I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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