white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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