hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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