last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
