Sry I called you an 8
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
