it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
