Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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