I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
cat food counts as protein by the way
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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