he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
