Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
