It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
