Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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