Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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