did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just pynch a tree in the face
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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