Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
