PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
