I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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