im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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