she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I want her autograph on my taint
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
