forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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