She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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