I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
