I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
