So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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