Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
