U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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