my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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