Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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