Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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