We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
