I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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