Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He shit in the fireplace
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
