you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
