I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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