i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
