Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm like, not good at living.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
