Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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