I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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