Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
