I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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