Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
should my penis look like a turkey
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
