Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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