Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
