Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
