I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just found a bag of teeth...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
