What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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