Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
