if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
