Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
