I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
