Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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