Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
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all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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