you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
