last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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