This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
