If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize