that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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