my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
