Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
