Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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