i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today