I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
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I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic