Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.