As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay