and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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