I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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