I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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