I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We had sex on a dog bed..
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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