Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
