hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
