Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
