so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It was confusing and full of hummus
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
