Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
