Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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