I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
