my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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