i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize