She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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