youre lurking in front of me
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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