Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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