I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
