I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
