I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just threw up on my dentist
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
