come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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