Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
it was like having sex with a tree stump
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
